Alongside working through The Artist’s Way, I’ve begun some additional work related to shifting my beliefs about money. One of the key elements of these Liminal Days that I’ve not highlighted so boldly yet is to identify how my creativity can support my goal to earn money. So, today, I am sharing more about this aspect of the purpose of this experimental writing project.

100 Liminal Days is an experimental project of embracing my current transitional season after exiting my business by sharing an honest, real-time account of my self-initiation experience in daily posts. I’m sending shorter weekly recaps only via my newsletter. Visit Day 1/100 to learn more and sign up in the footer of this page to get the weekly recaps delivered to your inbox.

Evaluating My Relationship With Money

I first mentioned on Day 11/100 that I am feeling drawn to evaluate my relationship with money, but really, this theme has been cropping up since the very first day. I went into massive credit card debt in my 20s when I was embodying my “fixer identity” and doing all I could to take care of my mentally ill girlfriend, now ex, K. I also cosigned on student loans for her to go to art school, but she defaulted and I ended up paying off the thousands of dollars nearly a decade after we broke up.

Then, when I was running my virtual assistant business, I acquired a line of credit and became too dependent on it, which left me with more than $100,000 of personal debt that I had to settle before I could sell the business. Additionally, while leading the company, I only paid myself a true CEO salary one of the ten years I had the business. I viewed these sacrifices as necessary for business growth and failed to see how detrimental these decisions had been to my own psyche – my own belief systems about money.

All of this history with money and debt became a scaffolding holding up the core belief that I am not good with money, and that’s why I don’t have more of it. These weren’t conscious beliefs, but after reading You Are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero, I was able to see that I do have some limiting beliefs about myself and my ability to make money.

(Side note: there are a lot of negative reviews about this book out there, many with comments that it’s a “scam” and it’s just more “manifesting bull crap,” but like anything I read, I take parts that resonate for me and leave the rest. This author is funny, curses a lot, and tells some wild personal stories – some of which are not much more than entertainment, others that remind me that anything is possible especially when we work at it. The main takeaway for me was primarily that it helped me recognize how I have been thinking and speaking negatively about money and about my experience levels with money, and like anything we think or say, it informs how we act. With that in mind, it makes sense to take a closer look at my subconscious beliefs where money is concerned.)

Starting a Wealth Mastermind With Friends for Support

A couple of friends of mine and I have decided to form a mastermind – a think tank of sorts, to give us space to explore these money beliefs and ideate on ways to earn money doing purposeful, fulfilling work aligned with our authentic selves and unique talents. This feels like the right next thing to incorporate into this self-initiation project because the ultimate goal for me has been to figure out what I want to do now that I’ve sold my business. I am in a healthy place with my finances (finally!) but I’d like to start working again and earning money for value I bring to others.

Here are the key iterative actions I’m making to bring myself into alignment with my goal to start earning an income doing work I love:

• Release shame around my past reckless stewardship of money and debt.
• Stop saying that “I’m not a finance person,” become mindful of how money flows in and out of my life, and learn enough to feel in control of how I earn and spend money.
• Balance my “gratitude makes what I have enough” mentality with a healthy dose of desire to receive money in exchange for the value I offer to others through my skills and past experience.
• Identify ways I joyfully provide value to others and strategize ways to monetize one or more of those offerings.

The first step of releasing shame is foundational for the rest of the work. This is a work in progress, too. I have forgiven myself for the money mistakes I’ve made in ignorance or by fearfully neglecting to place my attention on my finances. I think that when I start earning money in ways that bring me joy, another layer of that healing will come. I want to prove to myself that I can be a “finance person” and learn how to control the flow of money in and through my life and work.

Raising My Awareness of Money In and Out

An actionable way I am raising my awareness of my financial state is to get serious about tracking my income and expenses. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been creating some spreadsheets to track every dollar coming in and out.

I have one business sheet that tracks money I am earning through freelance consulting projects and tracks monthly expenses. I don’t use bookkeeping software for my consultancy at the moment, so I created a profit and loss (P&L) sheet that allows me to see the big picture at a glance.

I created another sheet that has all of my personal expenses categorized and totaled up. Each week, I review my spending and add line items to the tracker. I’m also totaling the monthly spending in various categories like Wellness, Groceries, Entertainment, Restaurants, and Fuel/Car Care, etc. The idea behind totaling the categories is to keep a pulse on whether my spending aligns with what I say I value most.

If I’m being really honest, this project still feels shaky and a little scary. I know I must look at my finances and begin to cultivate an awareness of my money habits if I’m going to improve my financial status. This is challenging, so I’m glad I have the support of my two friends as we embark on this together. I’ll update on how this is going in a few weeks.

PS. Writing about these things publicly feels risky, but the intention with this 100 Liminal Days project is to make me a little uncomfortable. I also think that if more people were transparent about “taboo” topics like finances, it would make it easier for all of us to address our own money issues. So I hope that others find this helpful on their own journeys.

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