Alright, today, I’m getting back to the Artist’s Way tasks and this is a fun one she calls Imaginary Lives.
If you had five other lives to lead, what would you do in each of them? This task was harder than I expected, but here’s the truth of what came up for me, plus a short story about a road not taken when I was 20 years old.

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I felt mucho resistance to this one at first. I went for a walk with Fritz because I’m still in a lot of pain, and the itching has been nearly unbearable today. I thought some movement might help. As I walked, I started thinking about the journal prompt. Right away, I noticed that I only wanted to think of things that I felt were already accessible to me. I am realizing that I am practical even in my dreaming! Here’s hoping these tasks and this 100 Liminal Days project loosens me up.

Mail Lady

The first thing that came to mind was mail woman. I’m not sure why, except that I think I’d like working in neighborhoods. I love our neighborhood and neighbors. Last night when putting out the trash, I had a 30-minute conversation with a neighbor who lives across the street. It makes me so happy to have a good relationship with the people who live around me. Earlier this week, Emily and I went to dinner with our other neighbors. We love spending time with them when the schedules line up.

We hold car keys and door keys for multiple neighbors when they leave town for extended periods of time. While I’m doing my qigong in the front yard each morning, I wave good morning to the guys across the street when they are leaving for work for the day. That feels good to me. I told Emily the other day that one day when I’m older, I want a reputation as the old lady in the neighborhood who is always looking out for everyone. (We have elder neighbors like this and it is comforting to me.)

I think it would feel pretty good to get to experience that feeling every day, as the mail lady. I could get to know people and spread joy around town as I deliver the mail. Maybe listen to podcasts or music in those neighborhoods where no one is home and outside.

Our mailman is one of those old school by-the-book guys about everything, and he’s tough to get a smile out of. I’ve been working on him though. 🙂 Lawrence doesn’t miss a beat with the mail but he doesn’t seem to want to be bothered. I’d probably have days like that, but most of the time, I’d watch for the “regulars” and pet all the nice dogs.

Barista in a Neighborhood Coffee Shop

Well, I think this one came up for the same reason – I like the idea of knowing the people in the community and having a regular quick touchpoint with people. I love my baristas at Bennu Coffee on MLK. I spent a ton of time working from there back before the pandemic, and we bought farmer’s market goods from them during 2020 to support them so they could stay open during shelter-in-place. It’s a 24-hour shop again, thank goodness. I still do my coffee networking meetings there. Love that place!

Emily has talked about her dream to own a coffee shop one day, so maybe this one is in my future already!

Dog Trainer

I also think I’d enjoy being a dog trainer. I love the idea of working with animals and I think it would be fun to be able to teach dogs how to those cool obstacle courses. Or even better – train herding dogs. That way I could ride horses too. I’d definitely live on a ranch if I did that. I’d have a big dog training business but I’d hire someone else to be the CEO so I could just ride horses and train dogs.

Gardener

I’d learn all about plants and have the prettiest flower garden and veggie garden on the block at my house, but I’d run a big nursery and learn all about plants. I love digging in the dirt and watching things grow. I still have a lot to learn, but Dad has been teaching me a little about gardening. I have been wanting to get a couple of raised beds and try to grow carrots.

Well, a Mother

Now that one surprised me. I have had seasons in my life where I did want to be a mother. I’ve also had seasons when I would not even think it. When I was in my twenties, I had really painful menstrual cycles and had a conversation with my doctor at the time, asking if she could just give me a hysterectomy. And I was serious. Back then, 20-something-year-old lesbians weren’t dreaming of getting married and having kids. Gay marriage wasn’t legal and it wasn’t so common for gay and lesbian couples to have the resources to adopt or do IVF. The doctor advised strongly against a hysterectomy and said I’d surely change my mind one day in the future.

Emily and I have had conversations about whether we’d want kids or not multiple times over the years. But we have a different life, and we like what we have. I am home by myself about 45% of the year and I wouldn’t want to do it alone. I honor and respect all the mamas out there – especially the single ones! (And the ones married to pilots or military folks.)

Truthfully, I find the idea of parenting terrifying, especially with the way technology is evolving so fast. I’ve seen the stats from Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Anxious Generation. Keeping our kids safe from the internet feels like such a challenging problem to solve.

Interesting.

As I write that, another profession is bubbling up. I could be a founder who works to solve that big problem. So maybe I’d be a mother that starts a company to help kids stay safe using tech, and I’d travel the world doing speeches to educate teachers and anyone else who works with kids or is a parent. I think I’d get a lot of satisfaction out of that meaningful work.

The Road Not Taken in 2001

I was 20 years old when I found myself standing in an Air Force recruiter’s office (in the mall!) telling them I had changed my mind and I wouldn’t be going to basic training as planned. These were the days when “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was how the military operated so I didn’t say why.

And since I couldn’t give them a good reason, that made it easy for them to talk me into sticking with the plan to leave on December 21, 2001. They did their best to scare me by telling me I had already sworn in at MEPS and there was no legal backing out now. If I didn’t go, I’d be breaking the law. They sent me back home with an assignment to write an essay about “why I wanted to join the Air Force.”

Yes, this was just months after 9/11. But that wasn’t why I didn’t want to go.

I had started seeing a woman 10 years older than me and I wanted to see where that would go!

I walked out of that stale office feeling defeated and trapped. But thankfully, a friend already in the Army told me the recruiters were lying to me. I wasn’t actually sworn in yet and I could say no if I didn’t want to join the military.

First, I got mad. Then I wrote that letter with fire, explaining explicitly why I did NOT want to join the military. In a matter of words, I told them I loved a woman and I was a lesbian, and that I would not be reporting for basic training. And then I faxed it to them! 😂

I never heard a peep back from those guys.

And, the day before my previously expected ship out date of December 21st, my niece was born. I was with my sister and witnessed Marissa’s birth. That was and still is one of the most beautiful moments of my life, and I’ve been crazy about that kid ever since. (Even though she’s not a kid anymore and she recently got a promotion at work! She grew up on me, dang it!) If I had joined the Air Force, I’d have missed that moment and many more to follow. There are so many other pivotal events that have changed the storyline over the years. I would not be who I am today had I taken that path.

But isn’t life just full of these transitions and decision points?

Back in April, I told a pastor friend how I’m kinda lost in the mix of this transition time after selling the business. And that’s when he shared this golden insight with me.

He said the Bible is a book of transition stories — each a moment for God to move and change the narrative. He said he envies people in transition because of this.

So there’s one more reason to embrace the liminal days.

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