In yesterday’s post, I talked about my tendency to “go with the flow,” and how I’m realizing that attitude has watered down my own authentic taste. (Pun intended!) What if instead of going with the flow, we become the flow? That’s what today’s post will explore as I share three visions I’ve had since 2008 that mythopoetically follow that theme.

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Vision #1: Golden Roots

In 2008, I had my first true spiritual awakening. Not the kind fabricated from what was being imprinted on me in various church environments – it was something profound and deeply emotional that I experienced in solitude. I had visited a church not long before this happened, and I did have what the evangelical church would call a conviction moment, but the real God-experience for me was later, in my apartment, alone.

I had this inner vision of a tree that was growing near a river. It had black roots on part of the tree, and in the vision, I saw myself take an axe and start chopping the black roots off. I was crying and grieving for this but it felt necessary. Then in the vision, I saw the hand of God come down and scoop water from the river, and, like molding clay, began to create new roots of gold where the black roots had become stumps.

I still remember this experience vividly. I felt so much loss and sorrow, but I knew I had to let go of some people, habits, and ways of thinking in order to live. During this time, I was participating in self destructive behavior. I truly believe if I had not changed course after receiving this vision, I would not be who I am today. It felt like a matter of life and death.

But this vision’s message was a resurrection, not just a cutting away.

After the vision, I created a major shift in my external life as well. I made a decision not to move out of Fort Worth – even though I had already accepted my old job back and had another place to live back in my hometown of San Angelo. I canceled all of my plans and committed to seeking more understanding about my relationship with God, and I surrounded myself with people who were on a spiritual path. I began to view myself differently (new identity) and dozens of synchronicities began to encourage me to keep going in this new direction.

Vision #2: A Mirror Image of the Tree

The second installment of the vision came more than a decade and a half later – just last year in 2024. I had just started working with a life coach who was helping me through using Internal Family Systems in weekly virtual sessions and holding two intentional psychedelic ceremonies over a six-month period. These tools offered a way to tap into new parts of myself, and to provide guidance to heal my parts and move past the symptoms of various traumas throughout my life. I’d also just started practicing breathwork which I was trying out as a way to relax my body and “unfreeze” my frozen shoulder, and this second stage of the vision came during a restorative breathwork session.

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Breathwork is a powerful practice that can sometimes mimic a psychedelic experience. If you are curious about it, I recommend checking out a class near you. It may feel weird to do at first, but trust the process. There are various types of breathwork, and I really like somatic breathwork and restorative breathwork as wonderful nervous system regulation practices.

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In this vision, I was on the same river where my tree with golden roots grew – floating on my back – but I wasn’t moving with the flow of the water. It flowed under me and I could see the tree with its golden roots and fruit flourishing, standing tall on my right. I just admired it for a while. But, then I felt curious about what was on the other side of the river on the opposite bank. When I turned to see it, I saw a mirror image of my tree, but also next to the tree on the left there were many other little trees lining the river as far as I could see and they were all bearing fruit and growing.

What I once saw as an isolated event – a single act of transformation with my golden rooted tree – was then revealed as something much larger. My healing extended beyond myself. My golden roots did not just sustain one tree. They created a forest.

I interpreted this vision as a symbol of my achiever season – the hustle and grind time that clearly has produced fruit in my life and created growth opportunities for many others as well.

But I couldn’t help but wonder why I was not going anywhere in this vision. I simply floated over a flowing river as if I was on a treadmill. I’m grateful that the next installment of the vision came quickly to support me as I grappled with this question.

Vision #3: Becoming Water

This vision came just a few months after the second vision in early 2025, also during a breathwork session. I was back in the same spot floating on the river, yet still not moving with the flow down the river. I just stayed in this spot between the two large trees on each bank and the line of trees on the left.

But then something began to shift. I felt as if my entire being liquefied, and I became the water. Darkness engulfed me, and I sensed I was part of the flow now – moving along the river – but I was no longer me. I was the water.

This time, I was letting go in a new way, releasing my sense of self and my ego and becoming part of the natural world I had previously only observed or nurtured. It went black and I even had the sense that I had died, yet I wasn’t afraid.

I was not sad like in the first stage. I felt whole as I dissolved into liquid. Even in the blackness, I could sense my environment. I knew I was becoming the river. I knew I was flowing, leaving the two big trees behind. I knew the river was long and life flourished on its banks.

As water – as the flow – I began to gain a deep trust in my intuition. I also trusted that my little forest would flourish, even if I moved downstream to new horizons.

Symbolically, I began to see how I had to – once again – let go of my expectations and my identity in order to make progress. Another death was necessary for me. My third stage was a true dissolution – a final surrender into something vast, something beyond my identity.

Connecting the Symbols

This is what I mean by not going with the flow, and instead becoming the flow. Death is required before a rebirth is possible. An ending is required before a new beginning is possible.

In the first stage, I had to cut away the decaying parts of myself to survive.

In the second, I stood in awe of what had grown from that sacrifice, recognizing its ripple effect of an impact.

But now, in this third stage, I am no longer just the one who plants, who nurtures, who observes. I became the very force that had been sustaining everything all along. To keep flowing, I had to become the river that had fed my tree, the river that had reflected my expansion, the river that had carried life down its banks.

I experienced this as an even deeper letting go than before, not just of past wounds or limitations, but of the very need to be something distinct. Instead of standing on the bank choosing where to go next, I surrendered to the current.

To put it more directly – it is no longer about the self directing life; it is about trusting my intuition and the Creator to support my becoming the flow of life itself.

And the blackness – it feels like the fertile void, the place where all creation begins. It is not an emptiness, but a space where something new is gestating.

Integration and Activation for a Changed Life

At the end of the breathwork class when I had the third vision, the instructor asked everyone to make an “I am” statement that then the rest of the class repeated back to that person. I was the first person to make the “I am” statement, and I didn’t even hesitate in saying, “I am courageous”, and the class repeated that back to me.

And in that moment when I heard the words spoken, I felt almost like an electric shock within me. It was very profound to hear those words spoken back to me after saying it myself. I left the breathwork class feeling courageous and prepared.

I also felt the sense that this was not the final stage of the vision’s evolution. As I journaled about this experience earlier this year, I asked myself the question, “where does the river go?”

All rivers are flowing downwards, seeking the ocean. This metaphor tells me that perhaps the next stage is an ocean, teeming with life and adventure. In my journaling after the third vision, I remembered a poem I wrote in August 2024 – months before this vision – symbolizing my desire to begin sharing my art. And just right now, I’m realizing that the poem was inspired by one of the tasks in The Artist’s Way – from the first time I listened to the audiobook in 2024!

Today, I went on my first Artist Date, a hike along Bull Creek here in Austin. So, tomorrow, I’ll share my trip report along with the poem. There’s quite an interesting synchronicity involved.

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