I’ve been writing and thinking a lot about this concept of a third way emerging when we are courageous enough to hold tension between two opposing views or forces. Today, I want to reflect further on this idea.

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100 Liminal Days is an experimental project of embracing my current transitional season after exiting my business by sharing an honest, real-time account of my self-initiation experience in daily posts. Visit Day 1/100 to learn more and sign up to get the weekly recaps delivered to your inbox.

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Swinging To Extremes

Early on in this project, I began to see a pattern of behavior in my life over several decades – I would swing from one extreme perspective to the other, always believing that whichever position I took at the time was the “right” way. As I’ve explored these patterns more closely and learned more about third way perspectives, I see where my old pattern kept me from experiencing true freedom.

One big example I’ve shared in previous posts is that related to my sexuality and my Christian faith. I believed that I was either gay or Christian – I didn’t see how I could be both, even though I fully identified as both. I felt that I had to choose because these two belief systems are generally opposing each other.

In another example, I have always been drawn to create art and even wanted to be an artist as a kid, but as I grew up, I believed that I needed to set that down and pursue a sustainable, high-income-generating career. It never occurred to me that I could find a way to do both.

Here’s what I wrote on Day 28/100:

Truthfully, where I see myself landing within these extremes is not just to park myself in the happy middle, but to become adaptable and agile with a willingness and ability to fluctuate on this spectrum. What I mean here is that I see myself becoming the type of artist that enters into a space where I unleash authentic expression through writing, painting, speaking, and movement without fear of being seen or heard, and then with equal passion, courage, and commitment, can also move into the space of the entrepreneur who strategizes to optimize productivity and efficiency and to maximize profit.

Hold Tension Between Extremes

As I have continued to learn more over this 100 Liminal Days project, I can see that I really was onto something there on Day 28, but this idea to fluctuate on this spectrum can be enriched by also learning to hold tension between those extremes. What I’m discovering here is that that point of tension creates a third way for us to exist in the world – not being forced to choose between left or right, conservative or progressive, etc. which alienates others. Choosing one of the extremes reduces our line of vision significantly. When standing firmly on either end of the extreme of beliefs or views, we lose sight of the truths that may exist on the other side.

However, when we commit to holding tension between the extremes, we create a space for vision to expand. In this place, we aren’t saying we agree 100% with one extreme or the other, we are choosing to be curious and discerning for ourselves, but accepting that there is always a chance that our current belief about something could change as we receive new information.

It’s important to note that it doesn’t mean we are wishy washy or just not taking a side on a topic. We can still hold onto our beliefs as long as we feel that aligns for us. The difference is that we stay open to the possibility (or fact) that we rarely have the full breadth of understanding to definitively land and stay on one side or another.

A Posture of Love and Curiosity

One of my repeating intentions for my life is to operate from a place of love and curiosity. Practicing this way of living has revealed to me this idea of a third way emerging when we hold the tension. It requires that love and curiosity on every level. Internally for our own beliefs around faith and religion, for example, we must practice love and curiosity for ourselves. Externally, when we engage with others from a place of love and curiosity, we will find that we aren’t always right, even when previously we were so certain that we were. This creates opportunities for meaningful connection.

I believe that our society can move closer to peace if we can learn to hold this tension in more situations. Reading the headlines about more shootings around the world, it can sometimes feel like there is no hope for peace, but I do have hope. I know that as I practice holding that tension and expanding my perspective, it’s much easier to notice ourselves in all of the others.

If enough of us are courageous enough to plant ourselves in this point of tension and approach all of life with a posture of love and curiosity, another little sliver of humanity experiences more freedom. I think that can be contagious, so I’m committing to doing life this way. Just maybe, we can change the world.

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