In Week Six, we are Recovering a Sense of Abundance. As much as I want to avoid doing even more reflection on my financial attitudes, this still seems to be the area that the universe and my soul is asking me to examine more closely. Cameron says this week may feel volatile. Great LOL

---

100 Liminal Days is an experimental project of embracing my current transitional season after exiting my business by sharing an honest, real-time account of my self-initiation experience in daily posts. I’m using The Artist’s Way as a guiding tool, and sending shorter weekly recaps only via my newsletter. Visit Day 1/100 to learn more and sign up in the footer of this page to get the weekly recaps delivered to your inbox.

---

Week Six of The Artist’s Way: Recovering a Sense of Abundance

Some of what is coming up here feels like the broken record – this call to release the idea that work has to be work and not play in order for me or anyone else to take what I do seriously. There’s also that toxic idea that anything artistic that I really want to do should be considered frivolous and therefore a lower priority. I find it particularly funny that letting that belief go includes me working through a strategy for figuring out what type of work I could and should be doing.

Authenticity is My Compass

The Artist’s Way is saying that the issue lies in that we are operating out of the toxic old idea that God’s will for us and our will for us are at odds with each other. I feel like I’ve already shifted away from that mindset, albeit only a few months ago. I truly believe that what God wants for my life is to be authentic, and that when I am authentically pursuing what I genuinely like and am good at, I am centered in the dead center of what God wants for me as well as what I want for me. There is a strong sense of alignment and synergy with God in this place.

This week’s chapter goes on to dig further into concepts about creativity not being sensible, the Creator creating without restraint, and how we ought to adopt an attitude that says “this is extravagant but so is God” when treating our inner artist to little bribes and rewards. But my problem seems not to be any longer that I won’t let myself create freely and enjoy little freedoms. It’s that I don’t want more bad enough.

High Desire is Missing From My Manifestation Formula

Earlier today, I was listening to a recorded workshop from one of the members of the Dharma Artist Collective and it touched on the topic of manifestation. The speaker said, “high desire plus high belief – this is the place where manifestation occurs.” It was in this moment that I paused the recording and let that sink in. When I restarted the audio, he further explained the obvious that when we lack desire but have belief, this signals that this is something we do out of obligation.

What I’m noticing most about myself where abundance and wealth are concerned is that I seem to be missing “high desire” in the formula. Immediately, I hear a part of me saying, “Who doesn’t want wealth and abundance? What’s your deal?”

I used to have this sign in my office – a small postcard I picked up at my coffee shop one day. It says, “Gratitude makes what we have enough.” I allowed that phrase to become a mantra, something I consider a guiding basic principle of life. Yet, now that I have this liminal space in regards to my career – a transition of the primary way or ways of earning income for myself – this mantra seems to empower a part of me that has long deprived myself of wanting more out of life. This nice little message is being twisted to hold me back as I tell myself that I shouldn’t want more.

When I think about abundance – I mean the actual word, “abundance” – I don’t think about financial abundance right away. Abundance to me means having more than enough in terms of love, security, joy, and overall fulfillment. And I recognize that some of those things require money to obtain.

For example, security for me comes from having a safe place to sleep, relax, and gather the things and people who mean the most to me – that is, a safe home. Having a safe home, or any home for that matter, requires money. There have been times in my life as a younger person that I did not have a safe place of my own. The places I have lived have ranged in size, location, proximity to other things I love, quality, style, etc. Not all of the places I have lived are of equal value or equal experiences. Where I live today does cost significantly more than where I lived when I was 18 years old in my first apartment.

I guess what I’m saying is that for many years, I did want more – naturally. And now that I’ve achieved more, earned more, married into more, traded more, been given more, and appreciated more, I feel less driven towards acquiring even more. This might be called contentment.

That applies to more than just finances, too – my life feels more amazing and full than ever before. The only missing element I am acutely aware of at the moment is fulfillment from meaningful work. And there is something in me that feels guilty about that, too. I know a lot of people who would love to find themselves in this place. This is where I return to the idea that I should just be grateful because gratitude makes what we have enough.

The Paradox of Meaningful Work and Making Money

The other thing is that a desire for meaningful work isn’t necessarily synonymous with making money. A fulfilling work life or dream job for one person may not ever include a pursuit of earning a high income. How do I know I’m not one of those people? It has been such a big part of my life to expect the work I do – no matter how altruistic and purposeful it is – to also provide me with a monetary compensation that feels equal to the effort I put into it. And I don’t believe many of my past roles did offer me compensation that aligned with my effort.

Oh. There is something here. What I’m hearing myself say is that I don’t care about becoming wealthy in a sense of having a high income, unless the level of effort I’m putting into my work calls for higher pay. Perhaps I am saying that I would be okay with lower compensation as long as my job was easier.

But there are other schools of thought that might say, it’s not about the effort, it’s about the expertise or value you offer. You should be paid the amount equivalent to the value, not necessarily the effort.

Think about a public speaker for example. In 2019, I heard an inspirational presentation by Nando Parrado, a key survivor in the 1972 crash of Uruguayan Air Force Flight 571 in the Andes. (The 1993 movie, Alive with Ethan Hawke was made to tell his story.) He shares the story of his past experience today as a paid motivational speaker, maybe 3-4 times per year only. I don’t know the exact figure of what he charges for these talks, but based on the event I attended and a general knowledge of the budget, I’d venture to say that he was paid nearly $50,000 for that talk. The effort for this work is minimal, but the value he brings from his extremely difficult lived experiences is worth far more – in fact, priceless.

So, it is safe to say that one can earn a high income from low effort work and it still be completely ethical and worthy. This is an extreme example in terms of one man’s experience, but who’s to say that I don’t also offer value that someone else out there would be willing to pay top dollar for? I know this could be true, if not now, at least one day. But as I mentioned, I am not lacking in belief. I’m lacking in desire.

I’ve clearly got more inner work to do here. I’m not sure what to make of these thoughts yet. We’ll see what else this week brings forth.

---

Weekly recaps of 100 Liminal Days are emailed on Tuesdays only to my newsletter subscribers. If you want the summaries, share your email at the bottom of this page to get on the list.

You’ll also instantly receive a free Notion template I use every single day to track my habits and reflect on the day.