Ikki no Mei: Finding Micro-Meaning (Without Losing the Plot)

Focus

  1. Wow. You just named something I’ve felt and been fairly aware of when it’s happening but didn’t have words for: procrastinating due to overwhelm. The idea of learning all these new skills just to be able to share the thing you are already good at and know you are meant to do… That feeling when you can see how your plan requires something that you’re not willing to give…

    I had this happen so many times over the last few years that like you, went hand in hand with that reality of not wanting to be a content creator, and just wanting to do what I was truly there to do.
    Isn’t this like the concept of “working on your business” vs “in your business??” It makes sense, and there are times where both are important, but when you’re spending less and less time on the part that brings you alive – it makes you question if you’re moving in the right direction.

    I also really appreciate the quote about scale vs specificity. When I launched my company, something that kept me going was this idea that if I only touched one person’s life with the work I was doing, the ripple effect of that would be exponential.

    It was powerful and it kept me going. And then when I closed the doors eight years later, after touching many, many lives, I lost sight of that North Star and felt like I had failed because my work hadn’t turned into the much bigger “thing” that I had deeply wanted it to be.

    Reading your piece brings me back to that. The impact of that one person whose life you touch in a meaningful way matters in ways you may never even know. But it still matters. So, good for you for starting in your own neighborhood. Be where you are when you’re there and the rest will work itself out.

    • Amber Gray says:

      Love these reflections, Whitney! I think you are right that it is related to the “working on not in” your business challenge all entrepreneurs face. I hadn’t made that connection until you said it.

      For me, it also goes beyond resistance to the tasks themselves – it’s about noticing how much my big plan requires me to spend behind the scenes (on my computer alone) building instead of just getting out there and doing something. I can see that I have agency over this and can choose a path that doesn’t require as much effort to reach the people I want to serve.

      I’m realizing that in my situation, this is rooted in perfectionism and my wanting to “show up” a certain way – polished, prepared, and strategic, with all of my ideas coming out in a big launch! But focusing on that long term image and big picture before focusing on the opportunities in the present moment is keeping me from taking any action. I think this is where outside support and accountability can be hugely beneficial, so I’m taking steps to create that type of support system for myself.

      As I’ve been tracking the names of the people I want to be useful to each day, I’m noticing how I can increase those connection points in my life, which feels really good. And, I’m seeing how sometimes one person I am in service to for the day is the future version of myself. That counts, too 🙂

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